Letting Go

Tonight I cleaned my kitchen countertops. Yesterday, Sunday, I ironed a tablecloth and set the table with flowers and clean napkins. Those are the only things I've been able to do to clean and/or organize my home. It makes me feel good. Geez! To what level have I sunk!? I suppose it's a commentary on how little one needs to feel a sense of control. Also...what it takes to make one feel a tad better about how things are going. I'm feeling pretty good about having clean countertops in my kitchen! WooHoo!

Confidence

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about confidence - and I think I'm losing it. Yikes! Is that an age thing? Nah! If anything, my new mantra, "Question, question, question and then ask every question," shows a brash and sassy sort of confidence...or maybe so much ignorance that no one can believe it's real so assumes it must hide genius...sort of a Forrest Gump kind of backwards intelligence. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway. But my confidence thing started with my running - okay, it's jogging at this point. Suddenly, I think I can't do things...like I can't finish the Government Trail, or will have to turn back on the Lost Man Loop, or even can't make it to the top of Fisher Creek. I used to not think, just do. I accomplished amazing things. Now I over-think and feel like quitting before I even get started. I think I need to adjust my mantra. I think it must be, "Do the thing you think you cannot do." That would be just about everything! Every morning I think I cannot do my job. I think anyone on earth would do it better. That is debilitating! And then someone tosses me a kernel of praise that raises my hope that I'm rather capable after all. It gets scary to see the youngsters preparing for my position. Had I been at this for 30 years it would be a blessed relief. In my situation, they look like predators! The competition is killing me...or maybe it's keeping me on my toes. Hmmm...I suppose that's a concept for another entry.

Ruby

There's a saying that has made someone a lot of money in those kinds of shops you pop into on vacation...while filling up with gas or just cruising through a touristy little shop..."Be the person your dog thinks you are." Forget that! I AM the person my dog thinks I am. No living thing on earth knows all my secrets like my dog does. And she loves me anyway! I want to be my dog! I want to be able to give my friends and family members all the things my dog gives to me...trust, unconditional love...I want her gift of first impression. She never gets that wrong. I want her ability to forgive, forget, forge on...I want her stoicism when hurt - emotionally or physically - her willingness to run forever - her disposition. She's always happy, smiling, ready for whatever I suggest. I just want to be my dog!

Thinking about Thinking

I just read an interesting article in Phi Delta Kappan yesterday about teaching kids to think. Maybe it wasn't so much about "teaching" them to think as it was about encouraging them to do so. But it got me wondering about how much adults actually think...consciously think. It concerned me that the whole concept sort of rolled around in my mind like a tumbleweed...like there was nothing much in there for it to attach to! Yikes! I don't think I've been thinking much lately.

Sure, I do the day to day stuff so I can earn my pay, but what am I doing to continue to learn and improve my performance and be creative with problem solving? Not much. This really upset me. I was pondering all of this during my morning run...okay, it's a jog. I was thinking (not in any deep way) that I certainly was never as good a runner as I might have been but there's a chance I might be better than I think I could be. Pretty convoluted but if I don't put any limitations on my endeavor, and always do the thing I think I cannot do, then I might just surprise myself.

Likewise with my career. I realize I've donned blinders in a way...I do things pretty much the same way everyday. I don't reflect very often about my performance - who has time to reflect? But in failing to do so, I am missing an opportunity to deepen my understanding just by thinking. I have been inspired by Will Richardson to explore all the ways I might improve my learning and thinking by using internet tools...mind-boggling, yes...but woohoo! The mind certainly needs some boggling.

So, I'm making a concerted effort to think for a change...to push my limits...see what I can make of myself! Wish me luck!

Rethinking Outlaws

I'm all over bad guy turned good guy stories. So I was captured by the title of the article I've linked here..."Outlaws at the Art Museum." I was doubly excited that I'd heard of Bansky, seen his bandit work in London. I liked it - I liked the whole romantic concept of sneak attacks on barren buildings - the smiles those images would bring in the mornings. But as I read on, I couldn't help connecting this outlaw story with another thought that's been at the forefront of my mind - networking. How, you say, does one have anything to do with the other? Let me see if I can unravel it for you...and this could be a challenge because the concept is a bit of a tangled mess in my brain as well.

I was not born into the technological age. I'm convinced kids' brains are mutating right before our eyes. Networking to me is email - I'm pretty proud of my ability in that realm. But, because I am in education (and live on this planet!), I recognize how critical it is to learn, adapt, dive into the thorny thicket and figure out this whole thing. Forget navigating the information highway - the world has moved beyond the space shuttle here - it is rocketing to the very edges of the universe through some serious networking ability. The "quality vandals" of the world are those that move with the speed of light through the Internet learning, discussing, trading secrets, dreams, ideas. The street artists of the Internet are doing the fun stuff. I admire that "old grafitti artist work ethic." They are out there getting their work up anywhere, everywhere, any way they can! Man, I want to do that. MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and all the myriad other similar sites aren't the outlaws anymore - they're the residences of corporations, capitalists, and presidents for heaven's sake!

Okay, this is a stretch - this article and my networking ideas...but the street art isn't criminal anymore, somehow it has credibility. Social networking sites aren't just for kids anymore - their telephone/texting/internet obsession has gained some respect in my eyes. I feel like the stuffy museum curator who finally appreciates the value of the great street art. Bring it on!

Ruby and Hondo apres snow-dogging.

The Rubester

Ruby, our yellow lab, has developed a wonderful new skill this winter. The roads around us are plowed so have a bank of snow that has built up along the shoulder. The road itself is snowpacked and fairly slick. Ruby will gallivant along at the edge of the road then will put her nose down into the soft new layer that has built up along the pile created by the plows. That's a signal that the frivolity is about to begin. She then starts a roll. She is generally on the right so drops her right shoulder into the snow bank. This is particularly successful going downhill because as she rolls onto her back she slides along the road for as long as possible...doing a bit of a sledding-on-the-back routine. This can last for quite an extended period of time. She rarely breaks stride in the entire endeavor - whether she does a half roll or a full. She is back on her feet before either Hondo or I can catch her. She's the best snow-dogger around!